You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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