I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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