i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
