please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
