He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
BRING THE BAGELS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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