and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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