Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
