my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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