I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
