we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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