You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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