I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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