She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
