I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
