Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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