If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my being single is dangerous.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
