Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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