I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
