dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
