A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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