I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
