He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Houston, we have a squirter
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
