Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
