my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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