Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
