I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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