I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
