Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
