end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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