What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
