I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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