I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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