failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize