Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
