dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
