i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your penis caused this!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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