I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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