omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
