I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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