2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
