there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
