Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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