if you like me you must not know who I am
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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