The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
