she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
