Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
