I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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