If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
