I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
