buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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