I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
