Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
