Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So. Much. Porn.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
