Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
