Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
