I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
