i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ugly people sure do ruin things
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
