I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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