GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
