I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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