Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
where are you?
Hypothermia
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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