Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
