Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize