I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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