Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
