____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
