I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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