I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
