You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
