I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
