yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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