In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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