I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
