Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
